its been a long long time...

well...it really has been a long time since i last blogged...i know i should be sleeping right now...tomorrow is a freaking long day filled with lectures from 9am-5pm...suddenly wanted to blog about something...i just dont know why i have this feeling...jealousy?anger?everytime i look at ppl's blog...i will have this feeling...feeling that i am not where i am suppose to be...feeling that i should be there...not that i dont enjoy being here...its this feeling of 'i should have done better and be there now'...ah,nevermind...what i have predicted long time ago really comes true...my inner heart wants to be there...not for anyone...not for anything particular...for myself...i love the place...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING INSOMIA! GO AWAY! WHY ARE YOU COMING BACK!!!! GO FAR FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! T_T

hope & aim...

i have one and only hope and aim for now...which is to pass this semester without any problems...i dont want to get myself involve in any trouble...its a promise to everyone...to my parents and family especially...i dont want to let them down...that's all i want to do right now...i think its time for me to get serious with my work...sit down and start doing what i should do...i need to activate the serious and quiet me once again...my dad just mailed me saying things that i feel very bad about...somehow i have forgotten my priorities...i am sorry...one thing about me is that i can change anytime i want...there are alot of types of me...just that on what situation i choose which me to present myself...i am like a wind...wind has no directions...nothing can calm the wind...small wind or big wind? who cares...no one is gonna stop me now...

情人节快乐！

时间过得真快。。。一年就将溜走了。。。我会永远记住这一天。。。因为是从那天起，我就没见过你了。。。

problematic...

i never changed...i am still that problematic...problems problems problems...i am going crazy...i dont know who to talk to anymore...there are things that set me on fire...things that i cant let go even though its been a long time...all this frustration had become the will power for me to train...training harder than ever...my injuries are worse than i thought...its not only at the elbow but its also at my shoulder...but i have decided no matter what,i will still play and train at my very best...yes,even i am suffering pain on that day,i still will play...it is something i want to achieve...the chance is here...i just want to accomplish it and satisfy myself...its funny...i just dont understand why my heart feel heavier each day...its been a long time...almost a year now yet this days i have thinking a lot about you...i just dont know why...i just feel like seeing you...seeing how you've changed...seeing how well you have been...while there is nothing special on my side...from the very beginning,i was just a normal person...there aint nothing special about me at all...its still the same until now...just a normal person unlike you...its been a long time that i wanted to see you face to face...just hope one day i will be able to see you...somehow, i still feel that you are someone special...people said first love is the hardest to be forgotten...maybe its true...you are the first i guess...6 more days to Valentine's day...it really has been a year since i last seen you...lol...Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! a day to remember...

down and upset...

its the eve of chinese new year and i am having this kind of mood...since years ago,i dont find CNY interesting or fun anymore...instead,i feel that it is very boring...anyway,Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

went to training this evening and i was really upset...my elbow is injured...there is a term for it...its called the tennis elbow...i dint want to show the pain as my dad was there looking at me training and the training dint went well...but when i came out of the tennis court to rest...my hand felt like...nothing...no strength to even hold a can of 100 plus up properly...then i finally told my dad about the pain and my dad said no more playing...i told my dad that during strokes there is no pain...its pain only when i serve....then he told me that its because when i serve,if i dint hit the target properly and hit the side of my racket,it will have a big impact and it will hurt my elbow...have been training non stop this few days...i knew that i would hurt it one day but i just kept going...i felt the pain days ago but it was not as extreme as today...my dad insist that i rest for few days...the problem now is that...it will surely reoccur when i serve due to the strength i put in...competition competition...how?must think a way to counter it...

my past...

days passed by...months passed by...but it felt like years passed by...i still miss the same person...i still care for the same person...i still feel like meeting that specific same person...why? i dont know...maybe until the day i finally get to meet that person,i will still be like that...i have been very quiet this days...really really quiet...i guess that is how i am when i dont have anything to look forward to...its my natural state i guess...woke up at 8 this morning...went to the sports club because i heard from my dad that my coach will be there and there will be other players also...so i went...blindly looking for a challenger to train with...when i drove out,i realise it was raining...it was drizzling...when i reach the club,there was no one to be seen at the tennis court...feeling disappointed,i went to the gym and did some workouts and went home...sucks...